Monster Mash part one

Oct 27, 2013 by     Comments Off on Monster Mash part one    Posted under: Adam Drew This, Adam Wrote This
On this October 31st, humans and monsters will celebrate All Hallows Eve at a dance club called The Boiler Room. Welcome to a Halloween tale of old myths and modern times told in five parts. Part one – Costume Party.

Monster Mash – Dancing by the Light of the Full Moon


Frank stares at the poorly designed, neon flyer in his scarred hands.

Crazy Costume Party at the Boiler Room
Saturday Night—Halloween!
18+ welcome

He looks up. “Drake, you idiot, this is a human thing … ”

“Relax, Frank,” says Drake. “Have I ever steered you wrong? We’re going to fit right in.”

Drake pats Frank on the shoulder and walks down the dilapidated street toward a flickering red light. Drake is dressed like Harry Potter: round glasses, a lightning bolt scar, cloak, and the crimson and gold scarf. Drake peers around the corner. He smiles.  His fangs glint in the red light. “Come on guys … this looks great.”

A werewolf in John Travolta’s white suit from Saturday Night Fever pushes past Frank. He sniffs the airs and his ears perk up. “Mmm … can you smell those women? Dozens of women, all looking for me.” He howls.

Drake covers his ears and hisses, “Give it a rest, Warren.”

“No way … 97 percent of my life, no female would look twice at me. But tonight I’m the Wolf. Every chick in there is going to be looking my way. Probably some of the dudes, too.”

Frank stays in the shadows. “I’m gonna wait in the Pathfinder. This neighborhood looks dodgy.”

Frank turns to go.  His way is blocked by a fish-like, amphibious humanoid … in a pink sparkly Supergirl costume. He says, “Gillian, why don’t we just head back …”

Gillian’s bulbous eyes grow wider. “You want me to go back to your car with you? Whatever shall we do while Drake and Warren go to the party?”

“Well, I …”

“You’re going,” says Gillian. Her moist, webbed feet slap against the pavement. She intentionally bumps Frank as she walks by. “I’m not going to miss your blind date …”

Frank says, “It’s not my date.”

Drake says, “It iiiii-iiiis. That’s how double-dates work, Frank.”

“Let’s see the goods,” says Gillian as she mimes for Frank to remove his hood.

Et tu, Gillian?” Frank takes off the hood, revealing an almost ruggedly handsome face. The skin’s a little too tight and translucent. His hair doesn’t quite cover the metal clamps that hold his cranium together. “This is a recipe for disaster.”

Drake smiles and pulls out a pair of Groucho Marx glasses. “I knew you wouldn’t put any effort into a costume, so I brought these.” He puts them on Frank.  Frank sighs.

The friends round the corner to see a flickering, half-burned out neon sign that reads, “The B ile  Ro m.” The line to get in is long. A cardboard and tin-foil robot. Hello Kitty in a Wonder Woman uniform. A red Stormtrooper with a boom box. A few angels and demons. Zombies … lots of zombies. Amadeus.

Drake says, “This line isn’t moving.” He starts walking.

Frank says, “Drake! Don’t start messing around with the humans! Let’s just wait in line like everybody else.”

Drake saunters up to a burly doorman dressed like the Terminator. The doorman says, “Back of the line, Potter.” Drake doesn’t budge. The doorman glances at Drake and it’s all over.

“My friends and I are expected inside.”

The doorman smiles, “Yes, sir.” He opens the velvet rope.

Drake maintains eye contact with the doorman as his friends walk inside.  Drake says, “Thanks, man.  I appreciate it.”

Gillian and Warren gasp. The center of the room is a giant dance floor. Multiple stairs lead up to private booths. The band, dressed like zombies, blasts techno music from the stage. Frank looks uneasily at the humans undulating to the beat. Opposite the stage is a full bar, complete with a giant fish tank. Is that a mermaid? Warren looks at the women on the dance floor. And drools.

Frank says, “Warren, I’m begging you to keep a low profile … ”

“I’ll catch up with you losers later.” Warren dives into the dancing crowd. Several women start grinding against him. He howls in delight.

“Pheromones,” says Gillian, shaking her head. She looks at Frank. He’s standing nervously, trying to blend into the shadows. Of course, he’s too big to miss. “You look better when you stand up straight.” She starts to adjust his jacket.

Frank looks annoyed. “I don’t need a fashion consultant.”

Gillian pulls back. Frank instantly looks apologetic. He straightens up and adjusts his jacket.

Gillian says, “Why are you letting Drake set you up on this blind date?”

“I don’t know,” says Frank. “He’s the one with a date he’s all excited about. She didn’t want to come by herself, so Drake needed a wingman. And who else was he going to use—Warren?  Plus … he wanted me to drive.” Frank sees Gillian bobbing with the music. He calms down. “How about a drink?” He holds out his arm and forces a smile.

“I thought you’d never ask,” says Gillian, taking Frank’s arm. They navigate through the gyrating crowd to the busy bar. Frank holds up a twenty and waits to be noticed. A human dressed as Lt. Uhura pulls a chain attached to the neck of a Slave Leia. The giggling girls barge in front of Frank. He scowls. Another human dressed as Spider-Man cuts in line. Frank growls, baring his teeth, and reaches out to throttle the oblivious super hero.

“I got this.” Drake appears, calmly restraining Frank’s monstrous hand with supernatural strength. Frank counts to ten, thinks of his happy place and takes a deep breath.

Drake waits for one of the hectic Flintstones themed bartenders to glance at him. Bingo. His hypnotic eyes catch the Barney. “My friend, I will have a white Russian, a mimosa, and a bloody Mary,” says Drake. Barney hears the order perfectly even in the noisy room.

Drake has already moved on, to a booth, where he convinces the cast of the Wizard of Oz that they would like to leave their primo seats facing the band. They exit the semi-circular booth. Drake, Frank and Gillian sit down. Gillian notes the Oz crew now aimlessly shuffling about looking for another place to sit. “Don’t you worry about messing with the humans’ minds so much?” asks Gillian.

“It’s harmless,” smiles Drake. “I can’t really convince them to do anything against their nature … like rob a bank or kill someone. I usually just call upon their inherent goodness.” Drake starts texting. “Let’s see if our Internet hotties are here yet.”

“Please don’t,” says Frank. “I was wrong. I can’t go through with this. Just tell her I’m sick or … ” Frank starts to get up. Gillian grabs his sleeve.

Her look says, C’mon. Stay.

Frank sighs and sits again. “This is an angry mob waiting to happen. I bet the cloak room is full of pitchforks and torches.”

Gillian croaks/laughs. Frank smiles. She looks at Drake. “Why does a hypnotist have to meet girls on the Internet?”

Drake looks at her indignantly. “I don’t have to … ”

Frank whispers to Gillian, “He wants to make sure a girl likes him and isn’t being influenced by his … vampire-charm.”

Gillian says, “Ah … the ever-elusive true love.” Gillian glances at Frank. He’s already looking at her. They quickly find other things in the room to look at.

Drake waves excitedly. “She’s here!” Frank and Gillian follow Drake’s gaze to a tall girl waving from the crowd. Frank double takes. He feels the world fall away beneath him. He recognizes her.

She is the Bride.

Ruh-roh!  Check out part two!

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